Discovering a New "Me"
from my Facebook Note: "Time of my Life"
July 2011
"We cannot always get what we want!", I heard the doctor saying after he read out the result of my MRI. I was expecting a bad news but not that worse. He said I got partial ACL tear which would limit the mobility of my left knee - no more running, soccer or any extraneous work out. My initial reaction was a denial. "Di pwede, Doc!", that all I could say, as if I could do something to reverse the result.
Being told to stop something that gives you a fulfillment doing is like breaking up with the person you are truly in love with. It's so hard to do but while I wasn't accepting things that easy, I had to realize there is no better done than saying good bye to soccer at that point.
Life is going to be boring without soccer but no matter how disgusted I was with the outcome, it's game over for me. With ACL tear, it's very dangerous to play anymore. To get back into the game, my doctor mentioned about knee surgery that won't cost me due to a full coverage in my in my medical insurance that's being paid for by the company that I work with. Its going to be free but I have to think twice. The doctor was not advising it because of its painful effects afterwards. He said, after 15-20 years, the probability of me getting arthritis is at 95% and it's going to be 5 times more painful that the usual. Well, I don't wish to have pains on my joints during my older years. Beside, I'm not into soccer my whole life like those professional players.
While I was thinking how to live my life after the injury, I remember what the doctor told me about not able to get what we wanted in life. He may be right. Maybe soccer is not for me so it passes away like most of the temporary things that come and go so easy. This does not mean however that I'm no longer capable of doing a thing. Then I thought of other things that I can still do and mountaineering came across my mind. I can still climb mountains! That's what I thought.
Two weeks after the injury, I joined The Backpackers team, a mountaineering group of Accenture employees lead by Ivan. I said, if soccer is not for me, then mountains could be my friends. To check my fitness, I practiced going up and down stairs three days prior to the climb to make sure I could still do climbing, and it worked. With the help of my knee brace, I could feel no pain on the injured knee. Confident I could do the climb, I joined in the group as they dared to conquer three mountains in two days. To read my first mountaineering experience, you may click here.
My first climb was not bad at all. It was a new experience for me. I met new people, been to place so new to me, did things the first time like river crossing and tyrolean traverse. However, after those happy moments came a terrible consequence. My knee injury got serious taht I had difficulty walking again. I could not even bend my left knee anymore. I was afraid my condition got worse and was a bit regretful. I should have stayed home and waited until my knee recuperated.
Well, I couldn't be blamed. Mountaineering is the only outdoor activity which I think could give me such kind of thrill and challenge that I have been wanting my whole life. But sometimes I wonder if I may have been late for this thing or it may have come in a a wrong time. Whatever that is, I needed to deal with my injury first. I went to the clinic two days after the climb. I told the doctor about what I did and he was aggravated when he learned I joined mountain climbing. He had me undergo MRI again and results showed no additional ACL damage but I got minor patellar dislocation, and that was probably due to several slides I met while crossing the river on our night trek or it could be because we passed along boulders on the morning traverse. Which ever the cause doesn't matter anymore. I was terrified. Tears dropped. That night, I had some sort of depression. I could feel the weakest part of me, the futility. All negative emotions hit me. I felt like life would be so boring and I would be useless - this is the kind of life I never wanted to live on so I must act and do something in order no to fall on it.
As recommended by my physician, I underwent knee therapy. While completing the session, I had several counts of knee/ankle sprain and that made me angrier because I knew I could do better but just couldn't maintain proper movement with my legs. But patience and determination paid off. At last, my knee brace was removed after 2 months of wearing it! I was very happy but not until I got sprain again a day after the brace removal. Oh no!
One night when I was on Facebook, I checked out some photos of me on my first climb. Tears slowly dropped, thinking that would be the first and last taste of a mountaineering life. I became emotional. I could not recall how that night ended but the next thing I knew, I was at the hospital looking for another doctor for a re-assessment. It seems like a spirit is not letting me down. When the second doctor read and analyzed the two results of my MRI, he said the same thing as what the previous doctor has told me but he is more sympathetic. He understood very well the frustrations I had with my knee. He spoke in a very mild tone and said there's noting to worry about because my knees are still intact. All I just needed to do is a lot of walking. My knee had been wearing a brace for over two months. It had been so dependent on it so it's afraid to take steps on its own again. That's what the doctor said and that makes perfect sense. So I walked a lot everyday as recommended, and slowly I noticed improvement week over week. Yebah! So I feel back in shape again! When I got an invitation from The Backpackers to a major climb, I didn't hesitate. I feel so perfectly fine after the therapy so I think I could climb again! And that's my spirit talking!
It was 21st of July when the group climbed Mt Tarak in Mariveles Bataan. It's a major climb they said, though I didn't understand what that means but I made some preparations and packed light.
From Cubao, we took Baliwag Transit. I could not recall how many hours we spent on the bus but it was a very long trip.
After registration at barangay office, we began the trek under a very fine weather. I could not remember how long we walked but our first stop was in a small hut owned by a certain "Cording". From there we walked again going to Papaya River, and from Papaya River to the Camp site.
 |
| Photo by King Aguilar |
While we were on the trail to Papaya River, the rain poured down. I was not expecting any rain to come because when we started the trek, it was very sunny. But as they said, the climb must go on, rain or shine.
When we reached the Papaya River, I felt so much relieved because they said we're already half of the trail. Wheeeh! We're getting closer!
As we are drawing near the camp site, I noticed the trail was becoming steep and hence difficult to ascend, especially that it rained. Fear struck me! What if I met an accident on the trail or fell off? There were so many negative thoughts that embodied my mind but I had to carry on. I just needed to be very extra careful with every single step.
And finally, after that tiring assault, we reached the campsite! Some got busy setting up tents while others took rest and had mini siesta moments. Similar to my first climb, I cleaned up myself and took a rest. The next thing I knew, it was already "socials" or a gathering before the lights off.
The night was so cold that I wanted to sleep til the next day but hearing those wonderful people laughing and talking about things, I decided to get up and mingle with them, and it was FUN! especially when anyone from the group would crack a joke and everybody's laughing. That was just crazy!
The next day was the highlight of the climb - an assault to the summit. If my estimation is close enough, I think we were able to reach the top of the mountain in 2 hours.
Reaching the summit is the hardest not only because the mountain is becoming steep but also because the energy has been consumed and there is only few more left that may not be enough to sustain the required strength and stamina. It was at that point when the temptation of giving up came in. I was about to discontinue the ascent and wait for my peers to come down. I was unsure anymore if I could make more steps. I was catching up my breaths. I was tired. I didn't have enough water. When I was very close to giving up, I then realized I was already more than half way. In about tens or may be hundreds more steps, I'd be seeing the summit very soon. So why not go on? Besides, I already spent time and so much energy. That would be useless if I would just stop. So then I pushed myself much harder and there I go! I reached the top!
Reaching the summit of Mt Tarak is the analogy of my agony over unwanted knee injury and other trials. Negative thoughts, hesitations, uncertainties - they all eat me but when I'm at the verge of giving up, there is this fighting soul in me that does not want to submit ad accept defeat. It gives me a rejuvenating source of strength to continue the struggle until I get things done. That seems to be a character which I only got tested and proven during this climb. And this what makes me fall in love with this mountain! It is at this mountain where I got to know a different side of me, that fighting animal in me! I thought I was just being stubborn for tying to do things people are saying I couldn't do under my circumstances. I was wrong. I don't want to be an old-school jerk but yeah, I think I'm a fighter. Thats what I am!
Up Next: My Mt Apo Experience
